READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
