her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
