ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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