I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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