rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
