Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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