If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
