I'm lost and stupid without you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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