she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
