Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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