I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
