If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
