I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
