The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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