It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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