Do you still have your period?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
