hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
