I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Never underestimate the power of titties
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
