I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
