if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
