here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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