I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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