Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
