whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
