Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
