Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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