when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
