Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
