Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
