Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
