She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
