belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
