Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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