I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
