shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
