I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
