so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
