there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
