Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
