I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Less talking, more tequila
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
