drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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