Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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