It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
