if only i could text you this smell
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
