yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
