Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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