I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
