i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
