I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
