I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
