when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
