thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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