my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
