just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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