One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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