Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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