I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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