Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
